Kids Don't Need Recess!

Bad news, America: our nation's pediatricians are freaking out because our children aren't getting enough recess time in school. These PBJ physicians fear that the lack of breathers for our brats is impeding their socialization. They need time to "decompress" and "think" and "imagine." Apparently these munchkin medics didn't get the memo: we don't need kids to learn how to "think" and "imagine." That's why we've been instituting all these educational reforms in the first place! The ultimate goal of public education in the 21st century is obvious: creating good workers. Check any beehive or ant hill you like - drones don't need to "think" or "imagine" - just follow directions or die.

America's ankle-biters need to know how to endure a bad case of the Mondays. They need to study proper flair placement. They need to get the hang of filling out futile forms and pointless reports. Children need to be taught how to work on boring tasks for hours, days, weeks, months, and years without so much as a weekend to rest. We need them to learn how to endure long periods of meaningless drudgery. They should master interacting with idiotic managers and stupid co-workers...not silly things like "socialization." Oh, and recess sounds an awful lot like a "break" to me - and breaks are things that socialists like, and we can't have that! Unions are destroying America as it is!

Last but not least: America's rug rats need to understand how to take orders, follow directions, and - above all - obey authority. They're not going to learn how to submit on the playground!

So I say - cancel recess altogether. Stop with the "arts" and other such nonsense. School should be year-round, and the days should be much, much longer. The ultimate goal of education should be breaking the little buggers' spirits so that when they hit the age of eighteen, they're ready to become fresh cogs in the machine.